The Awakened Martial Practitioner

Reprogramming the Mind

When I was a kid, it was clear that in my family the two biggest stresses in life were bills and kids. My parents fought constantly. I remember being 15 and getting yelled at for reading a book at the dinner table because I was using electricity. The message for me was that kids are a burden so I grew up never wanting kids. As an adult, when my couple friends would tell me they were going to have a baby, my reaction was always the same, “On purpose?” I couldn’t imagine wanting kids.   I had been programmed to believe that they were a liability.

For me, that started to change in March of 2000 when I returned from a two-week business trip to Sydney, Australia. My wife at the time seemed very concerned when I got back. She explained that she had been all over town buying pregnancy tests. All 11 tests came up positive. We were going to have a baby. She knew my feelings and was scared to death. As the months drifted by, I continued to struggle with the idea that I was going to be a dad. All I could think about was losing my freedom and being burdened by this little kid.

My wife saw this and, wisely asked a friend of mine, Scott Kelby, to speak to me about how great being a daddy was. Scott Kelby was my first art director. He is one of my best friends and a guy I’ve learned a lot from through the years. At the time of this story, I was teaching him how to kick box. After the workouts we would go for a walk to cool down. It was during one of these walks that he helped me to understand how great being dad was going to be. He totally reframed my thinking on the subject of children. My self-talk had been with the adolescent part of me that thought kids were a burden that will rob me of my freedom and eat up all of my money. Scott helped me realize that the greatest gift I could ever have are my children. I never looked back. The day Alexander was born, and then later his brother Christopher, are the best days of my life.

In fact, Scott was so moved by my transformation that he wrote a book about me called, The Book for Guys Who Don’t Want to Have Kids.

I think there is a combination of reasons why Scott Kelby was able to “reprogram” my self-image of being a daddy. One, he is a guy I highly respect so he had authority. A few years earlier we were working very closely on a daily basis, when he and his wife Kalebra had their first child, Jordan. I distinctly recall when he told me they were going to have a baby actually saying, “On purpose?” In retrospect, I’m embarrassed at how rude a question that is. That’s a great example of my cocky teenager inner-voice speaking on behalf of a 37- year old man. Over the months after Jordan was born, they used to bring him into the office. At first, I was not happy about that. I thought, how are we going to get anything done?

Since I was conditioned that kids were a burden I could only imagine that a baby had to be the worse burden. This set me up for one of the most important lessons of my life. The first day little baby Jordan was in his little playpen, he knocked something over and started crying. I instantly tensed up because in my childhood, a crying kid usually led to screaming parents. Instead, both Scott and Kalebra laughed and comforted Jordan. I couldn’t recall ever seeing that before and it was a huge lesson for me to learn about being a parent.

So, in addition to being someone I respected, I knew Scott was a great daddy. Finally, we had just finished working out and our endorphins were still flowing pretty good, which may have put me in a receptive state for his words. Whatever the reason, Scott’s conversation took my self-talk regarding kids from that of a confused teenager to my current age at the time. It rapidly began to mature my self-image. That’s not to say I didn’t have work still to do and lessons still to learn, but I married a good woman who help teach me those lessons.

Up until that lesson with Scott, I thought I had a pretty good handle on my self-talk. Through my martial arts training and the influence of my long-distance mentors like Brian Tracy and Tony Robbins, I learned that my outer world was a reflection of my inner world. I learned that my success was my responsibility and that the rest of the world had their own problems and “programming” to deal with to concern themselves with my success. If it was to be, it was up to me.

About the Author

John Graden is a fun, exciting, and inspirational speaker, author, and trainer

A martial arts master teachers, he is the author of five books including The Impostor Syndrome: How to Replace Self-Doubt with Self-Confidence and Train Your Brain for Success, Mr. Graden has been profiled by hundreds of international publications including over 20 magazine cover stories and a comprehensive profile in the Wall Street Journal

Presentations include: The Impostor Syndrome, Black Belt Leadership, The Secret to Self Confidence, and How to Create a Life Instead of Making a Living, John has taught his proven and unique principles of success to thousands of people on three continents since 1987

From keynote presentations for thousands to one-on-one coaching sessions, John Graden is a dynamic speaker, teacher, and media personality who brings passion and entertainment to his presentations

http://www.JohnGraden.com http://www.JohnGradenTV.com

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